Admitting that you need help is never an easy task. In today's post I want to talk openly about my struggles with eating and how I accepted that something needed to change. Before reading any further, I want to make a disclaimer, if you know you could be triggered by hearing someone else's struggles then this post isn't for you. The purpose of this post is to normalise asking for help and vocalising how you truly feel when it comes to both your mental and physical health.
The header photo for this post is a photo I sent to my mum back in January, I'd recently been at my lowest and managing to eat half a slice of toast was an achievement for me. To provide some context to my struggles with eating, it's something I've always struggled with, ever since I was tiny. I have no idea what triggered it or what causes me to relapse into bad ways, all I know is that I needed to change. January 2022 was me at my lowest, I'm not overly sure what triggered this overwhelming fear of food but I was struggling to even eat something as simple as a single strawberry. When I'm struggling, it's as if I can't physically eat the food, as if something is stopping me from putting it in my mouth and even chewing.
I thought the obvious route for getting some help would be to visit my GP, but in my experience this couldn't have made me feel any worse. Unfortunately, I went to see a doctor I'd never met before (because I've recently moved to a new GP surgery) who completely disregarded the severity of how I was feeling. He dismissed my concerns about weight loss and didn't give any helpful suggestions on how I could access NHS based help. It was only after I'd spoken to friends about this that I realised experiences like this are far too common when it comes to accessing mental health services. I was told I wasn't deemed to be thin enough to access NHS services. I was denied help based on a BMI rating, something that mentally put me back to square one, I didn't think I'd ever be able to get out of this vicious cycle of intrusive thoughts and restrictive behaviours.
Despite this negative experience, I was still determined to get help. I reached out to my personal tutor at university and asked if there was a way I could be in touch with the on-campus well-being team. I also contacted my manager at work to see if I could be re-directed to occupational health. Both of these people went above and beyond to help me get the necessary help. I received two lots of counselling, one through Royal Holloway and the other through my work. Both of these were immensely helpful in getting me back on track and visualising the future. Without these two outlets I do believe that I would still be in that negative mindset now.
I also want to talk about the importance of charities and the work they do as an alternative outlet to medical professionals. BEAT is one of the UK's leading eating disorder charities, they seek to provide help and guidance to not only those suffering with eating disorders but the loved ones around them too. I used one of their helplines after feeling disheartened about the response from my GP. It was a form of instant relief. BEAT's research has shown that two thirds of people with an eating disorder feel like their GP didn't know how to help them. This is a staggering statistic that I know now as the reality of asking for help.
Writing this a few months on and reflecting on how I felt at the start of the year, I can wholeheartedly say that I'm in a much better mindset and my relationship with food has dramatically improved. There's still some things I struggle with, such as going out for food. That's something that I'm still working on but I will get there. Aside from counselling, I also found that meditation and forms of holistic therapies, especially crystal healing were essential to my recovery. Surrounding yourself with people that understand is also essential. I remember having an open conversation with my housemates, half-expecting them not to understand, and actually finding that they wanted to support me and make sure I was okay.
To conclude this post, I want to leave some details of how you can access help if you're struggling, please don't suffer in silence, there will always be someone who wants to help.
BEAT England Helpline: 0808 801 0677
(BEAT also offer online services via email and livechat)
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